Man of Steel

For Father’s Day last year, the boys found a pair of Superman boxers that they thought would be perfect for me. My darling wife, ever watching my back, thought it would be amusing to appease them. And so, I have a pair of electric blue boxers covered in Superman logos with a fire-engine red waistband that has ‘Man of Steel’ written repeatedly around it.

I saw the humor, and was good natured and humored the boys and wore them once. Actually, i was cornered while getting dressed one morning because I had not yet worn my Superman boxers and the boys were distressed. So, under their careful scrutiny I wore them one Saturday. I have not worn them since.

See, they’re hideous. The colors are so bright I fear they can be seen through my black wool pants. They are not the most comfortable boxers as they lie somewhere in the nebulous zone between boxers and boxer briefs. Also, the colors!

Anyway, I had kind of forgotten them. Until this morning. I was in the shower and, as he usually does, M decided that this would be a fine time to come upstairs and poop. Not a big deal, except he likes to talk while he goes. It’s very disturbing, first thing in the morning, to have a 4 year old groan and gasp at you about the Star Wars puzzle he’s working on downstairs and try and take him seriously. He rambled on, and then there was silence. I was hoping he was done and had quietly moved on with his morning. Nope.

I finish up, pull back the curtain and while reaching for my towel am greeted with his smiling face (still on the throne) and “can you wear your Superman boxers today? Please?” He is clutching the pair of boxers I had already selected for the day and I have no doubt that he will not surrender them without a fight. “Sure,” I say. I dry off, wrap myself in a towel and go fetch these kryptonite wonders from the drawer. K gives me a amused look.

M checks to make sure I put them on and then runs off to tell his brother what I have donned. To my surprise, C does not come in to check. While getting dressed, K tells me I can always pull a quick switch now that they’ve witnessed me wearing them, but I have no doubt that I will be checked tonight when I get home. I can play along for a day.

Now, two things happen when you’re wearing day-glo Superman boxers. The first is that the sheer garishness of the colors will addle your brain and you will walk around all day actually feeling like the man of steel. The second is, you will forget what boxers you are wearing when you go to the gym, solely to be reminded by the “whoa!” from one of your work colleagues as you get changed.

I’ll leave you to figure out which I experienced.

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