Love’s labors lost… and found.

Emotions are tricky things.  Children are trickier.  Mix the two and you have a volatile substance that cries out to be juggled.

I have never claimed to be the most emotionally stable person.  I am prone to snap responses, yelling when I’m angry, venting my spleen, etc.  Sadly, as the writer Daniel Raeburn said “[f]acing a mirror you see merely your own countenance; facing your child you finally understand how everyone else has seen you.”  Or, as a famous commercials from the 80’s said “I learned it by watching you, Dad!”

There’s nothing worse than hearing your own words parroted back to you, or worse, being used by one child to the other.  You learn quite a lot about yourself.  You learn what you shouldn’t say, so you can remind yourself of it when you say it the next time.

On the other hand, of course, it is encouraging and rewarding to hear your positive parenting reflected by the same people.  Pleases and thank yous as they play, polite comments to other people, sharing.  There is a brief moment of confusion when someone compliments you on your children’s behavior as you wonder if they know who your kids actually are.

The true burden faced by a parent is when the good and bad mix and then fly at you at lightening speed.  Not only are you not issued a manual when you have a child, you don’t get a helmet either.

Yesterday was a prime example.  We had a great morning.  Good breakfast (in which I passed off the heels of the bread as toast without complaint), teeth brushed, minimal yelling to get everyone dressed.  Cool.  Right before we leave for school, I remind M that it is cold out and he needs more than a t-shirt.  He agrees and goes upstairs to get the sweatshirt.  The next thing I know, he is crying.  He cries all the way to school.  He has no reason why.  He just “hates everything.”  We get home from work and I am met with M sticking out his tongue at me and telling me he doesn’t like me.  Where’s my helmet again? He won’t sit with me as we finish “Order of the Phoenix,” but wants “5 hugs” and kiss at bed time. (Maybe it was the toast?)

This morning?  Breakfast was “bad” (I thought it was fine), we refused to get dressed (I laid out the wrong socks and underwear) and brushing our teeth was chore.  We leave for school, and we walk hand in hand making jokes about people using umbrellas when it’s not raining.  I get a big kiss and a wave from the window.  Can I take off my helmet now?

How to fix it?  Can it be fixed?  Am I trying to herd kittens? Sure, I am. But a helmet would be nice.

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