Beware of Miracle Whip

So, the school routine is almost back in swing. School started yesterday, but we have three half-days this week. Why we even bother and don’t just start next week like all the other schools around us? A mystery.

At any rate, I was able to work my schedule so I could be home today to pick up the boys and take C to his 8 y.o. check-up. Pick-up was routine, home, changed out of uniforms and sat down to lunch.

Our routine lately has been to play cards after dinner. My mom taught the boys War, I have taught them Rummy and they have learned Daddy, Trash and something akin to Hearts at camp. So, today, we discussed school and played a hand of Rummy.

It was about half-way through that when the train of thought derailed in C’s head, and the following occurred:

C: (taking a bite of his sandwich) Ow!
Me: What’s the matter buddy?
C: Miracle Whip.
Me: Miracle Whip hurts?
C: Yeah, it got down in between my teeth and burned me.
M: I hate that. That’s why I don’t eat Miracle Whip.
Me: I don’t think the Miracle Whip burned you.
C: It did, it was so cold, it burned.
M: How can cold things burn?

*Insert a brief conversation about cold burns and the difference between them and heat burns. We then segued into rug burns. The boys stare at me blankly as I explain. Perhaps a reference to a Water-Bender or Pokemon may have helped, in retrospect.*

C: This would be cool. Imagine you were taking an ice cold shower that was so cold your feet went numb. Then you got out of the shower and scuffed your feet on the rug and got a rug burn. But, because you can’t feel your feet, you don’t know you had rug burn. But, then you could feel the rug burn, so you put ice on your feet and got frostbite!

Me: Whoa.

C: Yeah. And then you could just use your thumb and two fingers to grab the ball and make a basket!
M: Awesome.

*both boys return to eating silently*

Me: Huh?

*both boys give me a look of pity*

M: Would you like to play cards now, Dad?
Me: Yes, please.

Fin.

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